Why Rosetta Stone Should Translate the Starbucks Menu

So, after my daily bout at the gym, I decided to stop at a neighboring Starbucks for something to drink. Normally I avoid Starbucks like the plague, for three very good reasons:

1. I'm not a big coffee drinker. 
2. They are extremely over-priced, and it hurts my soul to pay that much for coffee.
3. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to order.

I mean, seriously. I'm so freaking intimidated by the whole process. You see a menu. The sizes are in crazy foreign names. People are ordering drinks that are not even on the menu. Half-caf? Non-fat? Soy milk? Chai? Latte? Espresso? Mocha? Frap? My head is spinning just thinking about it. Usually, I end up picking the most simple sounding thing on the menu, and going on my happy way with some drink I didn't really want, nor like.
The girl in front of me, with long hair and some crazy beaded, floor length Bohemian skirt, ordered a Chai, nonfat, dairy free mocha latte or some shit. I have a theory: The longer the name of your drink order, the more of a pretentious douchebag you appear to be.
I really feel like they should break it down into categories for us coffee illiterate folks, or maybe I should just stay away from Starbucks altogether.
So, I walk up to the cashier with a deer in the headlights look, and ask for a White Chocolate Mocha Frap. Grande.And let me attest:
That thing is fucking awesome.

(My reaction to the flavor.)